


it's too late (i'm on the other side)

by infinity_girl



Series: Klancetober 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Sleep Deprived Me Likes Angst, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, i'm sorry guys, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-16 04:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16078895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinity_girl/pseuds/infinity_girl
Summary: Tears began to leak down Keith’s face. Lance turned his head to his friend, his comrade, his leader.Lance looked down, almost humiliated to look him in the eye. Lance began to mouth words."I’m sorry."





	it's too late (i'm on the other side)

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Genesis by Ruelle.

The red drops fell from the sky. They splashed against Lance’s back, staining his clothes a deep maroon. 

It mixed in with the blood coating his skin. He couldn’t tell what was what anymore, it all blurred into one.

He screamed. His chest hurt, his heart ached in his chest. He felt his knees buckling, and he fell, not even thinking to grab for someone.

He collapsed to the ground, his hands and knees both scraped and bloody. The dirt coated his skin, dirtied his hair, covered his bayard. The grime was plastered to his skin, as if a second layer.

He pushed his hands into the rocks, into the gravel, almost daring to hope that the pain on the outside would stop the pain on the inside.

He couldn’t feel the tears falling. He felt numb, hollow. 

Broken. 

He searched for Keith, and found the paladin to his right, eyes red, shaking vigorously among his bindings, trying to break free.

So that was the plan, stalling until Keith could break free.

He felt his willpower drain. He couldn’t be strong anymore. It’d been too fucking long.

He was so goddamn tired of this war.

But he could try. He could try to do it. For Keith, for Voltron, for the world. 

Lance tried to wipe his face, only smearing blood on his face.

Lance’s voice sounded dry and brittle when he spoke, “Why?”

Zarkon tilted Lance’s face upwards, placing a purple finger on his chin, so that Lance would be staring straight at him, “Oh, there’s so many questions you have, little one. I can practically hear them in your head. And I have all of eternity to answer each and everyone.”

He watched as Lance tried to push himself on his knees, “However, I don’t think you’d like all my answers.”

Lance groaned in strain, “I didn’t ask to be your pawn, I asked for answers. What do I play a part in your big, grand plan?”

Lance gave him a defeated looking smile, “I’m only the measly blue paladin after all. The dumb one.”

He only grinned, “Young paladin, you forget. I was once like you. I once piloted the Black Lion with the same hope, spirit, and will that you did.”

Lance spit in Zarkon’s direction, making the man lean backwards, “What changed?”

Zarkon looked down. Almost in a sign of remorse. However, his grin never left, “You know, each lion searches for a different trait in their paladin.”

Lance tried to work back to his feet, only to fall again.

“The Blue Lion? Oh, she’s the easiest to pilot.”

Lance glared at him. He’d take insults towards him, but never towards Blue. She’d been there for him when no one else was.

“She’s the easiest. Which is why I wasn’t quite impressed with you at first.”

The paladin seemed confused, almost wondering where the conversation was going.

“You were cocky, irrational, and an idiot. I didn’t understand why the Blue Lion would ever choose you.”

Keith’s mouth was stuffed with a gag, preventing him from speaking. It looked like he was ready to scream.

The Red Paladin began to make muffled noises of yelling in his bindings.

“I didn’t understand your purpose until you piloted the Red Lion.”

Tears began to leak down Keith’s face. Lance turned his head to his friend, his comrade, his leader. 

Lance looked down, almost humiliated to look him in the eye. Lance began to mouth words.

_ I’m sorry. _

“That’s when I saw the real you. You have three different bayard transformations. That’s unheard of in paladin history.”

Zarkon then put a knife to Lance’s throat, in an attempt to get Keith to stop his struggle.

Keith immediately stilled.

“You piloted the Red Lion. He accepted you with no struggle. He asked for you to pilot him.”

Zarkon smirked at Keith, retracting his blade from Lance’s neck.

“The Red Lion chose you. The Red Lion accepted the Blue Paladin. Do you know how contradictory that is?”

Lance bit his lip, as if trying to stop the sobs from spilling from his mouth.

“The Blue Lion asks for a Paladin that is strong at heart. She desires one that places themselves at the heart of the group, and sacrifices whatever they can to support the group.”

Keith wanted to scream. To run away. To get them the hell out of here, and fucking murder Zarkon. Not necessarily in that order. 

Keith averted his eyes. He couldn’t watch. He was powerless. Lance was in Zarkon’s mercy. If Keith moved a single muscle, it was all over for Lance. Quietly, he resumes picking at his bindings, praying that Zarkon will pay him no notice.

“The Red Lion? Oh, he’s far more complex. He looks for someone who hones their raw instinct. Someone who helps their leader rise up from the ashes, and looks forward out of pure willpower.”

Lance sucked in a breath, as if waiting for what was to come.

“So where does that leave you, young Paladin?”

Lance began to laugh. It sounded disjointed, unconnected. Laughs turned into what sounded like sobs. 

Zarkon backed away from the paladin, alarmed with the change in attitude.

The paladin then began to cough, hacking into his own hand.

Keith stared on, bewildered and fearful.

Lance recovered from his coughing fit, “You’re right. Where does that leave me?”

“It leaves me struggling on the ground, at your mercy. Begging for you to release me. So don’t give me your preaching. I don’t need to hear it. You’re going to give me a slightly mediocre self esteem at this rate.”

Lance looked Zarkon in the eye and smiled, “So please do tell me. Why do you think killing me would change anything for the team? You’re not going to utulize my bayard transformations, are you?”

“No. You’re going to kill me, have Keith watch, and then set him free to run back home, and tell the others. But really, tell me, why do you think they would care? Why would this concern them?”

Zarkon seemed taken aback, “Boy, you will listen-“

Lance smirks, “Didn’t think of that, now did you?”

Zarkon’s began to speak with frustration laced in his tone, “You’re the Blue Paladin! Not to mention the pilot of the Red Lion! You’re the heart of the team, and-“

Lance scoffed, “Oh please. Shiro could care less about me. Hunk and Pidge? They’ve got each other. And Keith?”

Lance looked over to Keith, “He’d rather die than attempt to have a conversation with me.”

“And the lions? You’re joking. Shiro’s got the Black Lion if he wants him, Keith takes Red again, and Allura takes blue. Really, I’m just comic relief.”

Zarkon picked Lance up by the neck, and threw him to the ground, reopening barely healed wounds, “You dare-“

“You chose the wrong paladin, Zarkon. Nice try.”

Zarkon tried to regain his hold on the situation, “Your mouth is merely a defense mechanism-“

“Well it’s working, isn’t it?”

Zarkon’s eyes bugged out, “Spare me your attitude, boy! You’re right under my thumb, and I can kill you in a matter of seconds!”

Lance gulps, throat dry, begging for moisture, “Try me.”

And that was how Lance got a sword to his chest. 

And yeah, Lance sort of hates himself a little bit for signing right up for being Zarkon’s sacrifice.

Zarkon smiles, “Know your worth. Was I really wrong after all-“

Zarkon gasps and falls to his knees, eyes wide.

Zarkon feels his chest, sticky with blood. The blade cleanly ran through him. 

Keith kicks him to the ground, “Your first mistake was thinking that taking my bayard meant I was defenseless.”

Keith pulled his blade out of Zarkon’s back, “Your second was taking your eyes off of me.”

Zarkon lies on the ground, groaning. 

Keith kicks him as far away as possible, leaving him to die.

Zarkon groans, “You’ll never win.”

“Watch me.”

Keith slits Zarkon’s throat for good measure then turns to Lance.

He runs to Lance, who’s currently lying on the ground.

The Blue Paladin’s breathing is broken and unsteady. He’s shaking in place, placing his hands over his stab wound.

Keith starts choking up a bit at the sight, “Lance, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay, you’re gonna be fine.”

Lance looked up at Keith and smiled at him. He wipes away Keith’s tears with one hand, “Promise me you’ll all move on. Tell me you’ll be okay.”

Keith heaves Lance’s head into his lap, and begins to stroke his hair. There’s not much that can be done for the wound as of now. There’s nothing clean to cover it with, nothing to check it over with.

And then Keith realizes, he’s in his armor. He takes off a panel of his armor, and tears off the cloth of the suit underneath. He presses it against Lance’s chest, attempting to put pressure on the wound. 

And now that Keith’s doing what he can, all he can do is hold Lance. 

“I-I called the others. We’re waiting on them. You-you’ll be fine, okay? S-so stop acting like you’re going to die!”

“You know that’s not true, Keith.”

“And we need you, alright? We all need you. You aren’t allowed to leave us like this! I won’t allow it! All that shit you told Zarkon? It’s a lie, okay? Zarkon may be a fucking idiot, but he was right about one thing.

We wouldn’t function without you, Lance”

Lance coughed, “You didn’t agree to my promise.”

Keith cradled Lance closer to him, “I can’t agree to that.”

“Y-you can’t let this affect the team! Nothing can hold you all back, okay? Nothing.”

Keith starts crying, “Lance, you’re our fucking teammate! Do you expect us to just not care? If any of us died, of course we’d be broken up about goddamn it!”

“There’s no way I can promise you that we won’t cry over you.”

Lance gives Keith half a smile, “Just don’t let them fall apart.”

Keith sucks in a breath, “You know I’m no good at this. This is why we need you to pull through-“

Lance sighs, “Keith, I’m not going to make it out of this one,” the paladin gestures to his lower body, “just look at me.

Keith starts fighting back, “But you can’t lose hope-”

Lance interrupts, “Just hear me out.”

Keith looks away, “Fine.”

Lance starts, his breathing shaky at best, “Pidge. Don’t let her surround herself with her work. Make sure she takes some time to herself. Try to give her a sense of familiarity. And try to get her to put her trust in Hunk. They’re already rather close, and it’s important that they have someone. And maybe try to get her a voice call with Matt on Earth. She’d love that. Tell her that her older brother is watching out for her, always.”

“Shiro’s probably going to try to blame himself. He’s the angst king supreme, after all. Just after you, of course. Does it runs in the brogane bloodline? Anyway, don’t let him take the full hit. He’s probably going to try to over-exert himself in training, so ask Pidge for the training lockdown codes. They shut down the whole room for a certain amount of time so a person of choice can’t get in. Tell him I don’t blame him for anything. Never have, never will.”

“Hunk,” Lance’s voice cracks, “Hunk’s my best friend. Don’t let him withdraw. K-keep him doing things he loves. Maybe head down to the space mall sometime to get him some Earth ingredients. H-he’d love that.”

Lance is crying now, tears leaking down his face, “J-just don’t let him be alone.”

Keith cradles Lance closer, trying to wipe the younger’s tears away. Keith’s crying again, and he hates that he’s so weak, “I-I will. I will. Don’t worry, Lance. I’ll take care of them.”

Keith clutches to Lance, like Lance’s his lifeline, even if the situation is most definitely reversed. The blood’s still flowing heavily, sticking to his face. Keith couldn’t care less.

Lance bites his lip to stop the sob from breaking through, “T-try to be his best friend. He’s scared, you know. Scared of never seeing Earth. J-just be there. Be there for him.”

Keith makes a noise of understanding into Lance’s chest. His voice breaks, “O-okay.”

“Allura’s strong, but don’t let the demons get to her head. Tell her that she did everything that she could. Tell her that now she has to destroy the Galra for everything that they’ve taken from her.”

“Don’t let her goals get toxic, though. She doesn’t really know what we’re going through. Don’t let her push the team, or herself, too hard.”

Keith whispers another, “okay,” under his breath. It’s barely audible, but he knows Lance can hear it.

Lance lets a small smile grace his face, and tries to wipe his face, “And tell Coran that his space hijo is always with him. That I’m always going to be here for him, by his side. And please, let him know that he still has all of you guys. He still has a loving family, that will be there for him through everything.”

Keith nods slowly, anxiously waiting on the team. He can almost feel Lance’s pulse getting weaker.

Lance grabs Keith’s jaw, and pushes it up a little bit so that Keith is staring straight at Lance, Lance’s blue eyes so full of pain, “And Keith?”

“Yeah?”

“You can’t leave them. Please, please don’t leave them.”

Keith promises with everything he has, “Of course.”

Keith’s about to settle back into the comfort that is Lance’s chest, so that Lance can’t see how fucking devastated Keith is.

Lance taps him, “I’m not done yet.”

Keith looks down in what seems a little bit like guilt.

Lance smiles wide. It’s a full smile, one that Keith rarely sees. 

Lance’s smiles are either fake, or real. It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes.

But for Keith, it’s easy.

His eyes crinkle a little bit, and his mouth peaks a little bit higher. Small dimples appear too, and Keith just wants to hold Lance tighter, and be able to tell him that everything is going to be okay with unwavering certainty. 

But he can’t.

Lance starts again, voice low, almost a whisper, “Thank you for being here for me. Thank you for sticking around this time.”

Keith smiles, maybe he did something right with Lance, “Don’t even thank me. I was a total dick most of the time, not going to lie. I should be thanking you for making sure I stay alive, and stay sane. You’re the one person I know I can trust with anything.”

Lance whispers, “Can you sing?”

Keith looks at Lance in minor shock, “What?”

Lance seems flustered, “Only if you want to. It’s just hearing you sing from your room helps me relax sometimes. Your voice is beautiful.”

Keith flushes, “You heard that?”

“We have thin walls.”

And Keith gives Lance half of a smile.

_ “I’ll use you as a warning sign.” _

Lance’s beautiful, even like this. It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all.

Lance isn’t allowed to be beautiful, lying on the ground, covered in blood, but he is.

His blue eyes shine with tears, but he’s still beautiful. It hurts Keith’s heart to see Lance this way, but the paladin is absolutely beautiful. He always is, and always will be.

_ “That if you talk enough sense you’ll lose your mind. _

Lance’s everything he’s ever wanted in a friend. He’s always there for Keith, even when Keith didn’t want to accept it. 

Lance looks out for him, always. And his chest  _ shouldn _ ’ _ t _ feel so warm at the thought, it really shouldn’t. 

But Lance has always been watching out for Keith, even if Keith never knew it. Even in their Garrison days, Lance was there for him.

Because Keith’s an idiot, and Lance cares too much. And Keith doesn’t deserve being cared for.

_ “And I’ll use you as a focal point.” _

Lance has always been at the center of Keith’s vision. He’s always been the first person on Keith’s mind. 

Because Lance shines so bright, even with all this darkness in his life. He doesn’t let the darkness cloud his aura, and Keith wishes he could be like that.

Keith’s demons control him, but Lance’s don’t. Lance is in charge of his own life. Lance leads himself the way he wants his life to be lead, and doesn’t let anything throw him around.

_ “So I don’t lose sight of what I want.” _

If Keith’d ever thought that Lance was a good friend, that escalated by so much after Keith’d been placed at the Black Paladin. 

Lance had been there, every step of the way. Keith couldn’t imagine the whole process without Lance there, holding his hand, and showing him the stars. 

And Keith has so much to be grateful for in this world, but at the top of that list will always be Lance McClain.

_ “And I moved further than I thought I could.” _

When Keith’d left for the Blades, he’d missed them all. Of course he did. And then he’d been looking at the past, looking at the future, staring into the depths for years. 

And he’d seen Lance. He’d seen all of them, but most of all, he’d seen Lance. He’d seen Lance back at the Garrison, and then he’d remembered everything. 

He’d seen Lance now, his body more toned, and significantly more grown up.

And he realized that Lance wasn’t really a kid anymore. He’d never really been a kid. Keith had only seen what he wanted to see.

Lance had masks, and Keith respected a man with masks, who knew how to use them.

_ “But I missed you more than I thought I would.” _

Keith had longed for Lance’s presence, waiting to find the Blue Paladin by his side. 

He’d searched and searched for the boy (man?) that Keith would have easily called his best friend.

But he wasn’t there anymore. Now he’d changed. He’d grown. And Keith had been the one who was gone, so Keith was the one who had to learn. He was the one who had to fall into the new pattern they had.

Keith was the one who had to learn that different was okay.

He’d been the one who was gone for two years, but Lance was the one who’d changed.

_ They’d _ changed.

_ “And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be.” _

Because that’s what happened. Keith’d found love in the one person who he knew it was taboo.

He’d loved Lance for being there. He’d loved Lance for being strong, no matter what came his way. He’d loved Lance for being brave under the worst circumstances.

He loves Lance for being Lance.

And then no matter how hard Keith tries to keep his voice still, it cracks.

_ “Right in front of me.” _

And there is Lance, right in front of him.

And it’s too late.

Lance’s breathing shallows out even more, and his eyes begin to close slightly. 

Keith almost doesn’t notice, but when he does, he breaks.

_ “So ta-talk some se-sense to m-me.” _

Lance blearily opens his eyes, feeling warm, hot liquid splash against his face. When he realizes why Keith’s crying, Lance opens his eyes terrified. 

“K-Keith? Keith!”

And Keith just cries, holds Lance tight, and hums because he knows that he can’t get the words out anymore.

Lance whispers, “I’m scared.”

“I don’t want to die, Keith.”

Lance whimpers.

Keith wants to cry, wants to scream. Because it’s just not fair. Lance doesn’t deserve any of this. He doesn’t deserve a single thing. He deserves to go home and hug his family, and tell them that yes, he’s alive.

He deserves to go back to Varadero and go back home.

But he promises himself that he won’t combust now. Because Lance needs him to be the strong one right now.

“I-it’ll be okay, Lance.”

“D-do you think it hurts?”

Keith pulls Lance in closer, letting a tear fall onto Lance’s back, “Dying is kind of peaceful, I think.”

That cues Lance’s confusion, “What do you mean?”

“Living hurts. You can lose people, lose yourself, feel pain, be broken. In death, no one can touch you. It’s quiet. Silent. Peaceful.”

Lance smiles, “You think?”

Keith pulls away so that Lance is looking at him, “I think.”

Lance hangs on to Keith loosely, “It makes you think - if life is so terrible, why don’t we just submit to death? Why do we fight against death so much?”

“Because as terrible as living is, your mortality makes you feel alive. It gives you the chance to do shit on a timeline.” 

“Life’s kind of like a break from peace, huh?”

“That’s what I’d like to think, at least.”

They sit like that for a while, Keith running his hands through Lance’s hair, trying to tell him that it’ll be okay, that they’ll make it out of this.

After a little while, Lance goes slightly limp, falling to the ground below them.

His breathing is fading out, and they both know it.

“Lance? Please, just hold on! They’re on their way. Please!”

Lance blearily opens his eyes, “It hurts so much, Keith.”

Keith cries again, “Stay with me!”

Lance lets a small smile filter across his face, “You know, I’m glad that it’s you with me.”

Keith screams, “Lance! Snap out of it! We still need you!”

Lance’s smile is real when Keith feels his heart slowing.

“Lance? Lance! Lance, no! You can’t do this to me, please!” Keith sobs into his chest.

And then Lance being the perfect human being that he is looks straight at Keith and brokenly sings, “And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be. Right in front of me.”

And then it’s over.

Lance is lying there, so still, too still. And it hurts, and Keith is breaking. He’s falling apart, and he can’t do this. He can’t do this, not one bit. He can’t do it anymore. 

Because Lance isn’t here with him.

He screams for Lance as they take him to the medbay, Shiro holding Keith’s arms back, restraining him.

“I need him! I need to see him, I-“

Shiro pulls him in for an immobilizing hug, making sure Keith stays in place, but providing him comfort.

Keith punches Shiro’s chest, “Let me go! Let me go to him! Move, Shiro! Let me get to Lance!”

And Keith watches. 

Allura and Coran are in the medbay, doors closed. 

He can hear the clatter of equipment being plugged in, and he can hear Allura’s frantic movements, distress evident.

He can hear Coran’s tears for the son he lost. His devastating sobs wrack his throat, and it’s terrible. He knows that Coran and Lance are (were?) close, and if this isn’t proof then he doesn’t know what is.

He doesn’t know if Allura and Coran can handle losing a part of their family again. He doesn’t.

He sees Hunk outside, in what can only be described as shock. He has his knees tucked up to his chest, shaking and trying to pull together, muttering the word no like a mantra.

Pidge is banging on the door to the medbay, screaming, “Lance! Lance, come back! Please, you’re my fucking brother! I can’t lose you too!”

Tears are streaming down her face, and she’s so broken.

And he sees Lance in all of them.

He sees Lance in Allura. He sees Lance in the way that she’s still strong, even after this. He sees Lance in the way that both of their worlds crumbled around them, but their taping the pieces together and surviving.

He sees Lance in the way that Coran is crying. He sees Lance in the way that he’s crying for the one’s he’s going to have to say goodbye too. He sees them as one in the same as the way that Lance was crying in his chest, saying that he didn’t want to go. Because now, Coran doesn’t want Lance to go, and they’re one in the same.

He sees Lance in the way that Pidge is screaming. He sees Lance in the way that she’s holding on to the last shred of hope, of sanity. In the way they’re both trying to pull on loose threads to hang on, praying for life that those threads won’t break or give in on their weight.

He sees Lance in Hunk’s eyes. In the way that his eyes seem almost hollow, searching for reassurance, but there’s none to be found. He finds Lance in Hunk’s disbelieving eyes, trying to find a single way where this outcome isn’t the truth, but finding none.

He finds Lance in Shiro’s will. Because Shiro’s breaking too, just like the way Lance was (is?). But you’ll never know unless you look hard enough. Because they’re too selfless, too caring. They’ll put others above themselves until they die. 

And then Keith cries because he knows that he’ll never stop seeing Lance in everything that he sees. Because Lance is that perfect.

Was that perfect.

Shiro just pulls him in closer, and Keith gradually transitions from punching Shiro with everything he has left in him, to holding onto Shiro like he’s his lifeline, crying into his chest.

“I love him! I fucking love him, and he can’t leave me, Shiro! He can’t! P-please, I need him!”

 

“I love him.”

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! Sorry for the heavy dose of Angst™
> 
> I also find it somewhat neccessary to say that 4 AM me cried while writing this bc I was on a Langst spree and I needed this for some reason.


End file.
